our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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