I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
