Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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