Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
