This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
