Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
