Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
