Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
