So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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