just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
