i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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