my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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