I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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