all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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