If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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