OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
