he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to sanitize my soul.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
