All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
