I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
