I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
