I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
