I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
