I must be too annoying 4 u.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
