awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
