The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
