dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
