DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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