she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
