i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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