JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
