I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
