It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
