i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
