I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
