after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
