im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
