This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
