We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's never too late to be topless.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
