Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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