I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
