Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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