I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
