You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
