All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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