my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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