So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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