Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
