Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
