Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
