just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
