Can i not drive my cunt home
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
