She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
